Tonight didn’t have any crazy moments and it didn’t have anything that I will particularly remember but it was a really good night all the same. I spent the whole day with Derrick and Haruka after talking to some company the insurance company hired to assess the accident. We just hung out, talked, ate and laughed. It was relaxing and pleasant. These are truly the best kind of nights I have had in this country. I really love those crazy stories but I realize now that just hanging with friends is once again what is most important. Tokyo gives a unique atmosphere to these kind of nights. Tonight was also the first night I actually felt sad about leaving. Before I could acknowledge that the idea of leaving is sad but I wasn’t getting that sad feeling in my gut. These kind of feelings are rare so maybe that is why they seem to punch me in the stomach so much. I am not so good at handling them. I just feel such a strange mix of feelings. It is sorrow, mixed with fear, mixed with joy, mixed with excitement. I have few good friends here in Japan but the ones I do have I am sincerely going to miss. I hope I get to see Derrick from time to time in America. I think that if I hadn’t met him here I probably would have wanted to leave earlier. He got me out of my shell and pushed me to see more of Tokyo. He kept my adventurous side from being overcome by my shy side. Not getting to see him as often anymore is actually the hardest part about leaving (no homo.).
Before anyone jumps down my throat about it, it will be very hard to leave Haruka but since we are dating and whatnot, I assume we will see each other more often. Also I hope that we will one day live together. So although its sad to leave, I have hope that she will be near me in the future someday and that makes it easier to be separated.
Being in a situation like this really makes you realize how hard it is to “have your cake and eat it too”. One negative to travel is that inevitably, you will have to say goodbye. I mean, I know that inevitably everyone has to say goodbye since we all eventually die, but this is different because you have a choice. I choose to go home now but in doing so I have to choose to do something I don’t want to do which is leave my friends and possibly not get to see them other than here and there. I don’t want that but I can’t have it all and that’s what is hard. The same thing happens with the Haruka situation. I am in the position to just move to Delaware with her. I don’t have to live in her town since it would be nearly impossible to get a building job there but I could move an hour away or something (basically how it is now). The only problem with that is I would eventually have to move again and lose any business contacts that I had made in the area I lived in. I would also rob Haruka of a unique experience that I think is kind of important and that is, being totally on your own. Even though I would only get to see her on weekends, it would be a comfort and somewhat of a crutch for her. I am sure Haruka can stand on her own two feet without my companionship. She is strong. However, she has never lived on her own and even though she is strong, I think the experience will be as enriching for her as it was for me. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like I am on my high horse. It’s not as if she NEEDS the experience. I am just saying that its useful to have. I really am trying to sound less arrogant GIVE ME A BREAK!
I also have to give a shout out to the night before that I spent at Dan’s place (no homo). That night too was another great night. We walked from Ueno to his place close to the Sky Tree. (shitamachi? downtown?) I don’t remember the name. Anyways, we just bro’d out. His place looked like a shipping crate but its whats inside that counts. I really liked his little domicile. The inside was small but it had a lot of character. I think his lighting had a really warm feel to it (didn’t like the paper thin walls though.) Also he didn’t have any cockroaches and that’s second only to a/c on my list. We watched Barton Fink and gabbed it up all night. I feel Dan really exposes me to different ways of thinking. First off he is from the UK. Us American’s are loud and obnoxious at times and I hope some of that British class rubs off on me (even if he does look two steps away from a bum.). I grew up in America basically around only American’s so its really refreshing to speak with someone in my own language that has had totally different experiences than myself. Also he’s an artist and although my brain is totally underdeveloped in that area, he shows me the artsy side of things from time to time and I like that. I will definitely visit him in the future wherever he may end up.
Life is all about experiences and relationships and I am happy with what I gained here in Japan. I am living.
